Recovery
by RaucousLaughter
Summary: I think all lovers of Ron/Hermione have written something about Shell Cottage. I figured it was time. Hermione's in bed recovering, but Ron keeps blaming himself for everything that's gone wrong. J.K. Rowling owns these two, but I support them!


When Hermione came to, the first thing she saw was Ron, looking ashen and frightened, clinging to her bedside. She vaguely remembered the turn of events that had gotten her there, and she still wasn't entirely sure where "there" was.

"Oh Thank God! Fleur, she's awake!" he said, turning back to his sister-in-law who was rummaging through several bottles of potions and tonics.

"Where... where are we?" asked Hermione, her voice sounded scratchy, her throat hurt. It felt like she'd swallowed sand.

"Shell cottage. Bill and Fleur's place. I told you about it, it's where I came when..." he looked down at the ground. Fleur had stepped closer with a green bottle in hand.

"How do you feel? Do you remember anything?" she asked. Hermione concentrated for a moment and then it all came flooding back to her. Tears instantly formed in her eyes.

"Snatchers... they found us. Greyback, he wanted to..Malfoy's place...the sword... Bellatrix, she, slapped Ron... she... Cruciatis curse... Dobby, he saved us." Ron was overwhelmed to hear it all from her lips again. His face was steely, but he looked as though he were bottling up many emotions that threatened to bubble over any second.

"Dobby did not make it," Fleur said simply. "I'm sorry to say."

"What?" asked Ron.

"A knife from Bellatrix..." Fleur said. Hermione shuddered and a wave of pain swept over her. Ron grabbed her hands and held them close to his face as though he wanted to kiss her palms, but he did not.

"Drink this," said Fleur. She'd poured something from the green bottle into a small glass and handed it to Hermione.

"Can you sit up?" asked Ron.

"Yes, I think so," Hermione said. She struggled to sit up and Ron winced, pushing the pillows up behind her. She swallowed the medicine with some difficulty, as it felt thick and had a burning quality, but it was immediately effective. She sighed in relief and some color began to return to her face. Bill Weasley stood in the doorway now, looking sad.

"Hermione, how are you?" he asked.

"Much better now. Fleur's given me something."

"Good. Ron, Harry's burying the elf. Without magic.."

Ron looked out towards the window, though he wouldn't be able to see anything without getting up. Hermione recognized the look in his eye. He wanted to help.

"You should go help, Ron. Take your mind off everything...I'm in good hands here," said Hermione.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"I'm sure."

"If you need anything, send for me."

"Just come back when you're finished. Please?"

"Of course, I will. Keep an eye on her, Fleur,"

"I will not leave her side," Fleur said.

Ron gave Hermione's hands another squeeze. He looked like he wanted to hug her, but was afraid of breaking her, or was there something else he wanted to do? Kiss her forehead perhaps? She wished he would, but he didn't. She watched him leave, Bill followed. Fleur stayed in the room, but went back to looking through her potions.

"I'll be right here, if you need me," she said.

Ron was gone for a while, but he came back seeming a little less tense. He sat at her side and Fleur, having just given her more medicine, left them alone together. It was getting late and both of them were feeling exhausted. They sat for a long time without talking. Finally, Ron spoke.

"We shouldn't have to keep doing this," Ron said, looking into her eyes.

"What?" Hermione asked.

"Sitting at each others' bedsides... waiting for the other to regain consciousness...hoping we get to see the other smile again..." Ron trailed off, unable to control the sobs that threatened him.

"Ron..." said Hermione, tenderly.

"I'm so sorry," he broke down, burying his head in his hands. "I've completely failed you..." he said shaking, his face red and blotchy with tears. He wasn't even concerned with hiding them anymore.

"No," Hermione said, tears in her own eyes.

"I wish it had been me. It should have been me... It _should_ have...how could I have let her..."

"No, Ron, no!"

"I should have fought harder..._made _her keep me instead of you."

"She would have killed us all on the spot if you struggled anymore... you saved me, you _did_. _You _saved me. I heard you calling for me and that was the only thread I had to hang on to... the fact that you were there, alive and safe. If it had been the other way around I just would have been hysterical and no help to Harry at all. Physical pain I can take..."

"I wish..."

"Shh..." Hermione soothed. It was not lost on her that Ron was here to provide her with comfort, yet he was the one who needed it most. She had suffered terribly at the hand of Bellatrix, but she understood where he was coming from and could only imagine how worried she'd be if it _had_ been reversed. It wasn't a scenario she liked to imagine.

"Ron," she began, "sometimes things happen and you can't control them. We were in dire straits, there's nothing for it. You did the absolute best you could under the circumstances...and we're here. I'm fine...there's no need to beat yourself up. We had no control."

"Still...I'd be a lot happier if it were me in that bed instead of you."

"Well,_ I _wouldn't," she said. They sat in an uncomfortable silence for a few moments, Ron turning something over in his mind.

"I suppose you've forgiven me, then..." he ventured.

"Oh, Ron, yes. Obviously, I can't stay mad at you forever, no matter how much I wish I could, and obviously I don't really wish it at all..."

"This conversation sounds oddly familiar."

"Well... that's just our way, I guess," Hermione attempted a smile. "But seriously, Ron. I know how sorry you are. I know how brave it was of you to come back."

"Doesn't feel that way."

"You destroyed a Horcrux. That must take a lot of bravery," Hermione said, trying to sound encouraging, but feeling lost.

"No. It felt...unreal... I can't describe it, really...but it didn't feel brave."

"You are brave, Ron... you _are_...so very brave, you have been ever since I've known you," Hermione said fiercely, but Ron just scowled.

"No. A true Gryffindor would never have left his best mate and his...no. He was right. Voldemort was right. I am nothing..."

"Ron, what are you talking abo...!"

"I'm a fool and a coward, that's what. I should have killed Bellatrix right there, I'm a wizard aren't I..."

Hermione simply choked on her words, fighting back tears, but manage to get out "...too dangerous..." before giving up and looking down at her hands.

"I really _did_ want to come back right away," Ron offered meekly.

"I know."

"I'm not making excuses... but it was that _thing_, Hermione...It changed me."

"None of us quite understands how dark that magic truly is. I knew you weren't yourself," she said. They sat in quiet for another moment. Neither really knew what to say. Then at last she asked, "Why didn't you come when I called you back? Didn't you hear how desperate I was?"

"I didn't believe you really wanted me, or of course I would have come. I was blinded by my anger."

"What do you mean you weren't sure if I wanted you?"

"Please, Hermione, I really don't want to discuss it tonight. You need to rest. I shouldn't have said anything. You've been through too much tonight without worrying about me."

"I'll always worry about you if I think something's wrong..."

"That's why you're so brilliant. Try to get some sleep..."

Hermione searched the caverns of his blue eyes, desperate to glean some information from them. She was so used to reading his thoughts through his eyes and she was worried that she couldn't see what he was thinking now. He was hiding something. He looked so pained, she couldn't stand it. Ron leaned back in the armchair and Hermione felt she had no choice but to fall back among the plush pillows. She turned to her right and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She looked pale, to be sure, and thinner than she ever remembered being. She realized she hadn't looked in a mirror for months. There's simply no time for vanity when you're on a hunt to destroy the most evil wizard of all time. She looked back to Ron. His eyes were closed, his hands folded over his chest, his breathing soft. She reveled in watching his chest rise and fall. She wasn't sure if he was asleep, but even for him it would be unlikely that he'd be out so quickly. He was probably just avoiding any further discussion. Was he really going to sleep in that chair by her side? It didn't look very comfortable. She was about to open her mouth to protest, but found she didn't want him to leave. In fact, she wished she could offer him a place next to her in the bed, but it was only a twin-sized, and given the fact that she'd just been subjected to numerous rounds of a torture curse, she didn't think it was the best idea. Hermione knew she would find comfort in having his arms around her, but with her muscles as sore as they were, there was no telling whether or not he'd accidentally hit a nerve and make her wince. He was already fretting, if he inflicted any pain on her, even by mistake, he'd surely never forgive himself. She sighed. Given his mood, it just didn't seem the right time. It certainly wasn't a romantic situation. Why was he still beating himself up over leaving? Hadn't _she_ done that enough upon his return? She felt a moment of guilt at having tormented him so waspishly when all she'd really wanted was to squeeze him and never let go. He'd more than made up for it tonight by saving her from Bellatrix and he was still acting as though the whole fiasco was his fault. Why couldn't he see that there was no other solution. What was past was past. She was more than willing to forgive his folly in abandoning them. He did seem truly sorry and she was so grateful to have him back in her sights. Sure, she'd be haunted by the night he left them alone in the tent, the night he vanished into thin air as the rain poured down, for being deaf to her cries for his return. He came back. That's all that mattered. She would be haunted by Malfoy Manor as well, and she was sure she'd experience more traumatizing matters before the war was won. He was on her side and he was with her now. No need to despair, and she was through holding grudges against Ron. They'd cost her too much in the past.

"Ron?" she asked softly, not wanting to wake him if he was asleep.

"Hmm.." he responded with his eyes still closed. She'd said his name but was unsure of what to say next.

"Are you comfortable there?"

"I'm not leaving you..."

"I don't want you to, I just...I want you to be comfortable. You deserve a good night's sleep."

"Don't worry about that. I can sleep anywhere. Like I said, I'm not leaving your side. Unless you tell me to go."

"Well, I was going to ask if... could you hold my hand, like you did at Grimmauld Place?" she blushed pink as she asked, but she didn't regret it.

"Of course, I will...whatever you want." He reached out his long arm and Hermione placed her hand in his.

"Thank you," she said.

"Do you still hurt?" he asked.

"A little. Fleur's tonic helped a lot. It's more like, flashes, the memory of the pain is still there, and I'm sore, but it's nothing like it was...I'm just worried about sleeping."

"How come?"

"I'm afraid I'll have nightmares," Hermione admitted.

"I'll be right here. All night. I promise. If you have a nightmare, I'll wake you if I can. If your pain gets worse, even a little, wake me. I'll help you."

"I don't know what to say," said Hermione because it was true.

"Don't say anything. Just close your eyes and try to sleep. I'm here."

Hermione squeezed Ron's hand and closed her eyes.

The End


End file.
